The Alchemy Teacher
by Tash the Traumatized Teapot
Summary: In which Ed goes off to teach alchemy at Hogwarts. Set after FMA Brotherhood. Ed still have his automail arm and alchemy.
1. Chapter 1

_I recently finished watching Fullmetal Alchemist (both the 2003 series and Brotherhood, the manga comes next) and I did what I always do after finishing something awesome: I looked up crossovers with Harry Potter. It is basically the only way to make it more awesome. After reading so many (SO many) fanfics in this particular crossover section, I decided I wanted to try to write one myself._

_I cannot guarantee frequent updates. I still have another story that haven't been updated in ages, mostly because I want to rewrite it, but can't get myself to start._

_I will try to finish this._

_Disclaimer: I don't own neither the awesomeness that is Fullmetal Alchemist nor the greatness that is Harry Potter._

**Chapter 1**

Edward Elric was not happy.

He was sitting at a large table, with an angry-looking man dressed entirely in black on one side and a shabby-looking guy who looked like he hadn't slept in weeks on the other. He already hated this mission. Damn Mustang for making him do this.

When Mustang had first called Edward into his office to tell him he would have to go abroad, Edward hadn't believed his own ears. His little brother had _just_ gotten his body back, and was slowly gaining weight and muscle-control, and Mustang had the balls to tell Edward to leave him!

On top of that, the mission was to teach alchemy! To kids! In a SCHOOL! Edward hadn't been to school since he was little, he would be a terrible teacher! He had told (yelled) this to the Colonel, but to no avail. He had given his patented you-will-do-as-your-superior-officer-tells-you-Fullmetal-look. And Ed didn't give a damn that Al kept saying the Colonel looked like that all the time, it just proved that the man had it in for him.

But that wasn't all. Oh no. The school was a…._magic school_.

At this point, Edward had admittedly lost his temper and protested quite loudly against the existence of magic. Until the older woman wearing an odd-looking robe or something, had come out of _nowhere_ (really, one moment she wasn't there, and then POP, she was, and Ed nearly made the floor swallow her, and the Colonel had his hand out ready to snap his fingers) and spent the next two hours proving and explaining that magic existed.

Ed sighed again. He looked out at the room that was slowly filling up with kids. Kids that wore robes and pointy hats. They moved to sit on one of the four long tables in front of him. The teachers' table was on a platform, so it was looking out on the students. Ed felt exposed up there.

He had only been here for a few hours, and so he didn't know anything about the place or the people. He had met McGonagall (the woman who could appear out of nowhere) and Headmaster Dumbledore (who was possibly the oldest human Ed had met, except for his own father), but no one else. McGonagall had shown him his quarters, which were much nicer than the military barracks, for sure. He wasn't too keen on the _talking portrait_ that was the door to his living room though.

He was sick and tired of this magic already.

The impressive ceiling was grey and cloudy. Ed knew that it was foggy out, and that it had started to rain. He rubbed his right shoulder absentmindedly and decided that if this were the usual weather, he would be very miserable. It was also lucky that he had his winter automail available when he was going on this mission, so he didn't have to make a phone call to Winry about bringing him some. He _had_ remembered to tell her he was leaving Amestris for a colder country. He had a feeling the winters here were colder than Central.

The students were seated by now, and the smallest man Edward had ever seen had walked in followed by a row of younger students. The slightly filthy guy that had been lurking at by the walls sat down a three-legged stool with a hat on it.

And then the hat started to _sing_!

Edward was horrified. Had they _attached a soul_ to that ratty thing? No way. He refused to believe that someone would do that.

His mind started to drift off into the world of calculations and variables that he often went to when presented with a problem.

By the time the hat had stopped singing and the tiny man had started calling out names, Ed still hadn't come up with a solution. He twitched when the hat suddenly yelled "GRYFFINDOR!" and the table beneath the rather awesome-looking red banner with the lion burst into cheers and applause.

He decided to pay a bit more attention to his surroundings and forced himself to stop thinking about the hat. Just then, the doors opened and the McGonagall-woman walked in followed by two students who looked slightly dismayed.

After all the students had gotten a place to sit (it seemed like an important thing, this seating arrangement, and Ed thought maybe the students were supposed to sit by that table for the entire seven years they studied here) Dumbledore stood up with a welcoming gesture.

"Welcome!" the old man said joyously. "Welcome to another year at Hogwarts!" Edward held in a snort of laughter. The school name was ridiculous and he felt it was great accomplishment not bursting into laughter every time it was mentioned. "I have a few things to say to you all, and as one of them is very serious, I think it best to get it out of the way before you become befuddled by our excellent feast." He cleared his throat.

"As you will all be aware after their search of the Hogwarts Express, our school is presently playing host to some of the Dementors of Azkaban, who are here on ministry business."

Ed took a moment to wonder what the hell that even meant, before Dumbledore continued.

"They are stationed at every entrance to the grounds, and while they are with us, I must make it plain that nobody is to leave the school without permission. Dementors are not to be fooled by tricks or disguises – or even Invisibility Cloaks." Was that an _actual thing_? The hell? How would one even _begin_ to make a piece of clothing that would make one invisible?

"It is not in the nature of a Dementor to understand pleading or excuses. I therefore warn each and every one of you to give them no reason to harm you. I look to the Prefects, and our new Head Boy and Girl, to make sure that no student runs foul with of the Dementors."

"On a happier note," Dumbledore said with a sudden cheerfulness. "I am pleased to welcome three new teachers to our ranks this year.

"Firstly, Professor Lupin, has kindly consented to fill the post of Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher." The applause from the students were rather unenthusiastic, thought Edward, but the man did really look like a particularly strong wind would tip him over, so Ed could understand that the students were less than eager to learn self-defence from him.

"As to our second new appointment, well, I am sorry to tell you that Professor Kettleburn, our Care of Magical Creatures teacher, retired at the end of last year in order to spend some time with his remaining limbs." (Edward barely succeeded in turning his laugh into a cough. Lupin gave him a curious look, but Ed ignored it.) "However, I am delighted to say that his place will be filled by none other than Rubeus Hagrid, who has agreed to take on this teaching job in addition to his gamekeeping duties."

Ed noticed the huge bearded man (He must be bigger than even Armstrong!) looking very pleased and red in the middle of the loud applause.

"And lastly," Dumbledore continued when the noise had died down. "This year we have a new elective for third year and up. Due to the complexity of the subject it requires more than one year of tutoring, and will therefore, I am sorry to say, not be available to our seventh years. Teaching Alchemy is Professor Elric, travelling all the way from Amestris!" Edward barely acknowledged the students by lifting a hand in a half-wave, not really noticing that the applause was quite generous.

"Well, I think that's everything of importance. Let the feast begin!"

Edward barely managed not to jump away from the table when food suddenly appeared out of nowhere. He twitched. Ed poked the steak in front of him suspiciously with a knife. It looked and smelled real. The teachers around him was already eating, and the students certainly weren't holding back. Ed decided that it was probably safe.

The food was great, and Ed ate his fill.

"So, Professor Elric, was it?" asked the black-haired man on Edward's left. Edward nodded and swallowed his mouthful of food.

"Yeah," he said. "Edward, just call me Ed though."

"I am Severus Snape, I teach Potions," the man stated shortly. Ed had a feeling the man would not be calling him Ed anytime soon. "How old are you, Elric?" He certainly didn't beat around the bush.

"Sixteen," Ed answered shortly and glared at the man, daring him to call him out on his age.

"Really?" a friendlier voice said from the other side. "It's quite impressive to be a teacher at that age." Lupin looked at Ed with an honest expression, so he didn't think he was being mocked.

"I learned alchemy when I was little, so I know what I'm doing," he answered with a shrug. He decided not to mention that he would rather spend a day removing his arm and leg than spend a day teaching. And that Dumbledore had given a rather adamant no to Edward's suggestions on how to conduct the classes. Apparently, Teacher's methods were frowned upon in actual schools. Who knew.

"Remus Lupin, by the way," the man said with a smile. "Call me Remus."

"Ed," Edward grunted back. He was tired from the three days he spent on trains to get here, he was angry that he had to be here in the first place and he missed Al already.

He sighed gustily and decided he didn't want any of the dessert that appeared. There was apple pie. Al still hadn't gotten to taste Winry's apple pie before Ed had left. Alphonse hadn't even been fit for travel, so he was stuck in Central. Luckily, Gracia had decided that Alphonse needed to stay with her so she could feed him. He was still on liquids when Ed left though. It had only been two weeks, after all.

Edward could have quit the military after Al had gotten his body back (that had been his reason for joining the military in the first place), but found that he was quite used to being a State Alchemist. Also, while he didn't like Mustang on most days, he did respect his commanding officer and he felt quite grateful for all the help he had gotten through the years. He wanted to repay him, and the best way to do that was to stay in the military and help the man become Fuhrer.

Edward spent the rest of the meal in silence, his new colleagues apparently sensing his less-than enthusiastic mood.

When the dessert disappeared, students got up and rushed about with a lot of noise. Three students ran from the Gryffindor table and up to the giant man, Hagrid, smiling and yelling all the way. Hagrid started crying violently into a handkerchief that Edward could probably have used as a duvet, had he wanted to.

"Do you remember the way to your rooms, Edward?" Minerva asked, from where she was suddenly standing right next to him. Edward decided that, no, he didn't remember his way through this labyrinth just yet and shook his head.

"I will show you, then," she said, and Edward was starting to understand that her no-nonsense, strict voice was her default mode.

"Thanks," he said, and held back a yawn.

They walked right behind the noisy Gryffindor students for most of the walk. Minerva was apparently not one for small talk, so they walked mostly in silence, which suited Ed fine. He just wanted his bed. He had already been to his rooms, just enough time to shower and change out of travel clothes, but he had managed to test the surprisingly comfy bed.

He didn't notice that several of the students in front of them was turning around to look at him.

When they finally reached his rooms, Edward waved a half-hearted goodnight and closed the portrait behind himself. He fell into the bed fully clothed and immediately fell asleep.

_And there is the first chapter! I hope you enjoyed!_


	2. Chapter 2

_The second chapter is up! This one is longer, and hopefully more detailed than the first. Things will get more interesting and detailed in the following chapters, I hope._

_Also, I love the reviews I've gotten! Thank you! _

**_But_**_, I do not appreciate "Update or die". It's a bit too demanding for my tastes. Also, please don't give me a list of things I should do. I know what I want to do with this, and a review consisting of a list of "you should"s followed by an "update or die" is not very polite._

_Just thought I should mention that._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or Harry Potter_

Edward woke with a start, and for a moment, he was completely confused. After blinking at the unfamiliar walls around him for a full minute, he remembered where he was. Then he looked at his watch and sighed. He needed to get up and find breakfast. McGonagall told him that all the meals were in the Great Hall, where they ate yesterday.

Ed changed out of yesterday's outfit, into fresh clothes and re-braided his hair. He wasn't really looking forward to the first day of school. He really doubted that he was teacher-material. And it had been ages since Ed was in school himself. He was never one for the environment that school offered. He did better on his own. Well, he did better when it was just him and Al learning together.

Stepping out from the bedroom and into the living area, he nearly tripped over the box just by the door. He cursed violently, and then moved the box to the low table by the couches. He couldn't even remember leaving his research journals there. He wasn't sure how much time he would get for his personal research, but he was damn well going to try.

When leaving his rooms, he ignored the annoying (and unnatural!) yelling from the portrait that was his door. The people in the picture were three older wizards sat around a table filled with books and parchment. The first time he stood in front of the painting, he had to knock on the frame to get their attention away from their intense and loud discussion and to him. He had a feeling that it wouldn't be the first time.

Then, Edward noticed the suit of armour at the end of the hallway. It definitely wasn't there yesterday. The decorations in this place was going to be no help whatsoever.

He ignored the strong urge to investigate the armour to see how it suddenly came to be in the corridor, and continued down the hall in the direction he came from yesterday. After a while he could hear students, and decided to follow the sounds. He came upon a portrait that opened and students wearing a red badge on their robes came chattering out of it. Ed realized he found the entrance to the Gryffindor rooms.

He ended up walking behind some Gryffindor students. He put his hands in the pockets of his red coat and walked like he knew exactly where he was going. Some of the girls looked back at him a few times, and Edward pretended not to notice.

He entered the big room where breakfast was in full swing. Students were chattering loudly. A blonde boy at the table with the green banner with the snake (Slytherin, Ed thought they were called) was doing some ridiculous imitation of fainting. The red-haired boy walking in front of Ed started muttering continuously to the black-haired one and they both glared at the blond guy.

Ed ignored the childish squabbles and strode up to the teachers' table. He sat next to Severus and Remus again and filled his plate with food. It was much easier to eat the food when he didn't get to see it appear out of nowhere.

"Good morning," Remus said cheerfully. Ed spared him a grumpy look and poured a cup of coffee.

"Morning," he grunted, and started inhaling his food.

"Are you excited for your first day as a teacher?" Remus asked, barely masking his own excitement. Edward swallowed and made a noncommittal sound.

"Ecstatic," he mumbled flatly. Severus' lips twitched in something Ed swore could have resembled humour. Or maybe just dread at the thought of the first day of lessons.

"Oh, come on, Edward," Remus chuckled. "Teaching these children will be fun." Ed sighed gustily.

"No, it will be a nightmare," he grumbled. "I read the course book they've been told to buy, and it's terrible! It's completely off, calling alchemy a dying branch of magic and going on and on about potions and spells and charms and turning lead into gold! I hope to Truth none of the kids have read it!" Remus' eyes widened at Edward's rant and Severus snorted.

"But isn't alchemy a dying branch of magic?" Remus asked carefully.

"No!" Ed huffed. "It's a science. No magic! In fact, I didn't even believe in magic five days ago!"

"You're a muggle?" Severus asked doubtfully. Ed, who had in fact read a few books other than the course book to know a bit about this hocus pocus, nodded.

"I'm a scientist," he said shortly. "It took Minerva two hours to prove to me that magic existed. It goes against everything I know."

He sighed.

"I am going to see if I can locate my classroom," he mumbled and got up from his chair, coffee mug in hand. Remus waved cheerfully and wished him good luck. Edward threw him a half-hearted glare.

It took him twenty minutes to find his classroom. This castle was a labyrinth! The stairs where ridiculous and he swore that the third stair ended in a different corridor now than it did when he went down for breakfast. Also, the paintings was no help what-so-ever.

The room was medium-sized, and crammed with desks. He had insisted they put all the Houses in the same class, so it would be quite a lot of students in the first month. Edward was certain he would lose many students when they realized how difficult it would be.

He jumped up on his desk just in front of the huge blackboard and sat there enjoying his cup of coffee while he waited for the students. The door was open, so when the first students arrived he waved them in. The fourth years trickled in in groups, and sat themselves down by house. Edward was surprised at just how much stock these people put in which house they were in.

When the bell rang the beginning of class, Edward gestured to the last student to close the door.

"Welcome to Alchemy class," he started. "As the Headmaster said yesterday, I'm Edward Elric. Please don't call me professor." He ignored the slight giggles.

"You'll notice there's students from all the houses in the classroom right now," he continued. "That's because everyone in fourth year who signed up for this class, is taking it together. The first month might be a bit crowded, but I am sure some of you will leave in the next week." He glared at them.

"I have been given permission to kick out any of you that I think won't cut it, for the first month," he said, to the apparent shock of the students. "If I think you won't be dedicated enough, you'll be out. If I think you won't take it seriously, you'll be out. If I think you are in this for stupid and/or selfish reasons, you'll be out." The students were staring at him wide-eyed.

"Of course you are also allowed to quit if you realize that alchemy is too difficult for you," he grinned. "Not everyone is cut out to learn alchemy. It takes a lot of memorizing and studying, and _dedication_. Which is why it's not normally taught in schools. Usually, a budding alchemist would find an experienced alchemist to learn from, like an apprenticeship."

"First, who has started on the text book?" Edward asked, arms crossed. He hoped none of them had. But no, of course the world was against him. Several arms raised. One Gryffindor, four Ravenclaws, two Hufflepuffs and one Slytherin raised their arms, looking very proud of themselves.

"Damn," Ed swore, ignoring the nervous looks the students were sharing between themselves. "Forget everything you read in there. The book is complete bullshit. Actually, I want you all to try to get a refund. I'll be getting some books sent from home soon, so you'll get some real alchemy knowledge."

The Gryffindor boy who had read the book raised his hand again.

"Yes, mister…?" Ed pointed at him.

"McLaggen, sir, Cormac McLaggen," he said. "Why do you want us to forget the books?"

"Alchemy is not a "dying branch of magic"," Edward bit out. "It's not a branch of magic at all. Alchemy is _science_. Which is one of the reasons why I think several of you won't be making the cut." Several of the students started whispering and protesting, and Edward felt a headache coming.

"SHUT UP!" he yelled when he had had enough. Immediately, the room went completely silent while the students looked shocked. Edward resisted the urge to laugh at the scandalized looks on some of their faces.

"This is a science class," he said loudly, meeting the eyes of several of the more defiant-looking students. "Alchemy follows several set laws that can't be broken. If you want to be able to perform even the simplest of transmutations, you need to memorize the table of elements, learn how to read transmutation circles and do quick calculations. If you think you can't do it, I would recommend walking out of this class." He walked over to his blackboard, grabbed a piece of chalk and wrote

"Equivalent exchange," he said and underlined the two words on the blackboard. "This is the first rule you need to learn in alchemy." He turned around and frowned.

"None of you feel that you need to write it down?" he asked doubtfully. A flurry of activity followed as the students got out parchment and honest-to-Truth _feather quills_. Edward frowned. Those quills were going to cause difficulties when they were going to draw circles. He made a mental note to supply the class with pencils.

"When performing alchemy you need to remember that you can't make anything out of nothing," he stated. "In order to obtain, something of equal value most be lost. Basically, that means that if you want to make a three feet wooden statute, you need enough wood to make a three feet statue." Here he noticed that some of the students had their hands raised again.

"Yes, Mister..?" he pointed to a blonde boy in Hufflepuff colours.

"Marty Stebbins, sir. Why can't we conjure the materials?" he asked. Ed sighed, for what felt like the hundred time that day.

"I am not a wizard, Mr Stebbins-," Edward started, and once again ignored the absolute shock on several faces. "-so I can't tell you if the wood you conjure is real wood or not, but I can tell you that in order to transmute something you need to know the exact chemical composition of that material. If you were to conjure wood, would you know what kind of wood it was?" The class looked even more confused, and Ed resolved to dumb it down for them.

The rest of the period was relatively peaceful, even though he got the distinct impression that it went over the heads of most of his students.

This was going to be a long week. Screw that, it was going to be a long _year_.

FMAHP

By the time dinner rolled around, Edward was so ready to say to hell with it and just leave. The students had next to no education in science. They lost interest the moment he said that alchemy wasn't magic, and most of them would probably not be back for the next lesson. He had a list of students who had said they wouldn't be coming back, as well as the students he had decided wouldn't need to. He had already informed the students in question.

"How was your first day of lessons?" Remus asked, still so freaking cheerful.

"I had to restrain myself from kicking out all of the sixth years," Edward grumbled and helped himself to some steak and potatoes. Remus raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"It can't have been that bad?" he asked. Edward scowled.

"They spent the whole lesson asking me if I really was _qualified_," he spat out. "They wanted to know my age, and what education I had. One of the boys from Ravenclaw was waving the textbook around and saying that I had it wrong. One of the Hufflepuffs started crying when I told them several of them would be out of the class by the end of the month. Not to mention that the girls _would not stop giggling_!" Ed saw Severus' lips twitch in apparent mirth. Remus smiled and Edward felt like they were mocking him.

"I'm sure it will pass," Remus said in good humour. Edward was starting to think that Remus was so cheerful just to piss him off. "Once the novelty has worn off and you've proven that you know what you're doing they'll come around." Edward was not so sure.

Dinner passed quietly, and afterwards all the teachers went to the teachers' lounge for the first staff meeting of the year.

"The sixth years are the same age as you, aren't they?" Remus asked as they found seats at the table.

"Some of them are older than me," Edward grumbled. "They have decided they aren't about to take lessons from someone my age. Three of them have already said they're not coming back. Which is totally fine with me."

"They quit?" Remus asked incredulously. "Just like that?" Edward nodded.

"I warned all my classes that most of them wouldn't make it," he said. "I'm not about to waste my time on students who aren't willing to learn. Alchemy is difficult and dangerous. I am not going to spend time babysitting uninterested students. From the three classes I had today, I have twelve students who either said they're dropping the subject or I've decided to kick them out."

"You can't just kick them out!" the woman next to Remus exclaimed. Edward looked up from the table long enough to notice he had the attention of all the teachers sitting close enough to hear.

"Yes, I can," he said, looking into her eyes. "I asked permission from the Headmaster. As I said, alchemy is _dangerous_. Several of these students shouldn't learn it. And even more of them will never get it, and that can end in a mistake that could cost them their life."

"Professor Elric is right," Albus Dumbledore said as he entered the room and sat at the head of the table. "He did indeed ask permission to decide if a student is unfit for his class. How many so far?" Dumbledore looked amused, damn him.

"Twelve," Edward said stonily. "Some of them quit on their own." He pulled the list of names from his pocket and sent it over to the Headmaster.

"You can't be serious!" exploded another woman at the table. Edward really hoped they were going to do an introduction round at some point. "You can't just allow this kid to decide who to teach!"

"I'm not a kid!" Ed yelled. The woman flinched at his volume. Dumbledore raised a hand and everyone instantly quieted down.

"Professor Elric has already explained his reasoning, and I find myself in agreement," he said. "We do not know much about alchemy or its dangers. Perhaps you would be willing to explain why you wish to do it this way, Edward?" Edward sighed gustily.

"Sure, old man," he said. He expertly ignored the few bristling teachers in the room. "As I have said several times already, alchemy is dangerous. Not only can an alchemist cause major damage to people or property, but if you don't have a balanced equation in mind, you'll get a rebound. Rebounds vary, it can be a small cut or it can do permanent damage to the alchemist. Rebounds can kill you. I have met an alchemist missing several organs, and another who lost his eyesight. If the kids aren't motivated, they won't try hard enough. If they don't try hard enough, they'll make mistakes. Making mistakes in alchemy can kill you."

There was complete silence after Edward's little speech. Edward had the impression that some of the teachers had gained a little respect for him.

"And how are you qualified to teach this dangerous subject?" the woman from before asked angrily.

"Aurora!" Dumbledore said, his voice taking on a stern edge. "Professor Elric is qualified. When Hogwarts contacted Amestris to ask for an alchemist, the leader of the country decided on Edward."

"Why would he send us a kid?" she asked peevishly. Apparently, she didn't believe in Edward's abilities. He was getting sick and tired of being called a kid though. He looked over at Dumbledore and raised an eyebrow in question. He knew that Führer Grumman had told Dumbledore a bit of his background and wondered if the Headmaster might want him to share some of it. Dumbledore inclined his head in what Edward assumed was a go-ahead. He cleared his throat loudly.

"The Führer sent me because he was asked for an alchemist with combat experience, seeing as there's a mass murderer who might target one of the students," he said, eying the angry woman with flinty eyes. "I am a State Alchemist, which means I do have combat experience. I am also one of the very few State Alchemist who has a more rounded knowledge of alchemy. Most State Alchemist are highly specialized on their branch of alchemy." And there was chaos again. Edward sighed and crossed his arms.

"You're in the military?" Remus asked quietly. Edward briefly looked up at the gentle man. Remus looked troubled when Edward nodded. "But you're so young." Edward snorted.

"I joined when I was twelve," he grinned. "There wasn't any age limit on becoming a State Alchemist since the entrance exam is so difficult." He expertly ignored the shock on the faces closest to him.

"Why would a child join the military?" Remus asked. He looked like someone had kicked his puppy. Edward shrugged.

"I had my reasons," he answered. "Mostly, I just wanted to use their library." It was sort of the truth, with just a bit of omission. Remus' eyes widened to a ridiculous proportion.

"You…joined the military…for the library?" he asked, voice small. Edward grinned and nodded. He pretended not to notice the shocked faces on the people around the table.

Dumbledore then decided to get the meeting back on track by clearing his throat. Everyone stopped staring at Edward, and turned back to Dumbledore.

"We need to discuss some things of great importance today," he said gravely. "The Dementors are here to stay until Sirius Black is captured. It is our jobs as teachers to make sure our students doesn't run afoul with them."

"What are Dementors?" Ed interrupted.

"Dementors are beings that guard the wizard prison Azkaban," Remus explained. "They feed on happiness, and have the ability to suck out a person's soul. It's called the Dementor's Kiss and is the worst punishment the wizarding world have." Ed's eyes widened.

"Are you kidding me?" he exclaimed. "You let some thing _eat_ their souls?" Edward could not believe that this actually happened in the wizarding world. Not to mention that these things were stationed around the school.

"Only in extreme cases," Dumbledore said calmly. "It has been quite some time since the last time someone was sentenced to the Dementor's Kiss." Ed was still in shock, but put it away for later consideration.

"We also need to remember that Remus suffers from lycanthropy, so we need to set up an alternative for when he is indisposed," Dumbledore continued. Edward cast a sideways look at Remus. He wasn't even aware that werewolves _existed_. Much less that Remus was one. The other teachers looked like they had already been aware of this. Severus especially cast Remus a nasty look.

The rest of the meeting concentrated on the first day of classes. Several teachers complained about the behaviour of someone that they called the "Weasley twins". Edward made a mental note to watch out in his fifth year class. Hagrid was sobbing as he told what happened in his first class. Apparently, one of his students had been attacked by the beast he was showing the class. Edward didn't really know what a "Hippogriff" was, but it sounded as if it was dangerous. Madam Pomfrey, the nurse, assured everyone that the kid, Malfoy or something, was all healed.

When Edward left the meeting he couldn't help but think that with all the stuff happening in the school, he should have been allowed to adapt some of Teacher's methods. It seemed like things were extreme here anyway.

When Wednesday rolled around, Edward was surprised to see the Malfoy kid walk into his class with his arm in a sling. Madam Pomfrey had assured the teachers that the kid was fine, so why was his arm bandaged? Pomfrey seemed like the kind of person to be scarily thorough when it came to her patients.

After Edward had done his usual introductions (basically, be serious or get out), Malfoy started whining about taking notes.

"What is the matter, Mr Malfoy?" he asked with his arms crossed. He stared at the student and hoped there was a good answer to be had.

"It's my arm, Professor," Malfoy answered. His entire attitude was that of a severely injured, and Edward didn't buy it. "I need someone to take notes for me."

"Do them with your other arm," Edward said. He had no sympathy. "You still have one good arm; use it."

"I'm right-handed, sir," he replied.

"So?" Edward said rudely back. "If you want notes from this class, you are taking them yourself." Then he turned back to the blackboard and continued the lesson. He did notice that the Slytherins were throwing him nasty looks, but he ignored it with the ease that came of experience.

He ended up telling nearly all the Slytherins that if they weren't ready to try next class, they shouldn't bother coming back. The only exception was a girl named Davies who was majorly attentive. Edward thought he saw some fire in her eyes that told him the girl was going to be good at alchemy.

FMAHP

Classes were boring the first week. He had to repeat the same lesson every class, and it was too repetitive for Edward. Luckily, he could change it up when he had gotten rid of the uninterested ones. The older classes could afford to progress slightly faster than the younger ones. He wasn't afraid to tell the older students about the true dangers of alchemy. He was also thinking about bringing in pictures of what could happen if you did something stupid. He wasn't about to tell them about his own mistake and show them his automail, even if the thought had actually crossed his mind. Very briefly, mind.

Remus randomly came by his office to chat when they both had a free period. Edward had a lot of those, since he only had eight classes every week. It was a lot of free time for his research, which Edward was very happy about.

He questioned Remus extensively about how being a werewolf affected him. To Edward, it sounded a bit like being a chimera, except that Remus only changed forms during the full moons. It didn't make Edward more friendly towards magic.

When Saturday came, Edward happily went looking for the library he had heard so much about from the other teachers. He wanted to learn about this strange place, and the creatures that inhabited it.

The library was huge. Not as big as the Central Branch, but big nonetheless. He could see himself spending a lot of time here.

After gathering as many books as he could carry, he settled down on a big table by the entrance. He would be spending the entire weekend in here.

FMAHP

_And here's the second chapter! I hope you enjoyed._

_Updates are always fast in the beginning, I hope to keep it up. Considering I'm still totally hooked on Fullmetal Alchemist (I am watching Brotherhood for the second time now….), the updates wont be too sparingly._


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter 3 is out!_

_I appreciate every single review I get! I have answered the ones I can, meaning I answer if you're logged in. You're all awesome._

_Also: I feel the need to say that I do like constructive criticism, and I get very happy when you send me advice, tips and hints. I felt that I may have given the impression that I didn't want tips after my last AN, but that one was mostly aimed at one particular reviewer. _

_Disclaimer: I don't own either Harry Potter or Fullmetal Alchemist._

FMAHP

The first week had been a chore. The next wasn't shaping up to be any better. After spending the entire weekend in the library, only leaving for meals, Ed was getting a better grasp on the different creatures in the wizarding world.

He had just finished his Monday classes, and was already sick and tired of this week.

The students weren't motivated (Ed had kicked 64 students out of his classes so far) and the teachers stared. The only one who talked to him was Remus, and even he gave him those inquisitive looks sometimes. Edward was going insane.

To make matters worse, he had reached a dead-end on his personal research. He needed a few books he hadn't brought with him. And he missed Al.

Edward had decided he needed to do something about this. He had a solution that would make his life at Hogwarts much better. He was going to ask Al to come to Hogwarts. He could be his assistant or something. He had already asked Dumbledore, and the man had jovially told him "the more, the merrier" and offered him a candy out of a tin on his desk. The Headmaster was an oddball, to be sure, but he was nice enough.

Ed was heading to the library after a trip to the Owlery, were he had just sent off a letter to Al. And Edward just wanted to make it known, that the Owlery was damn hard to find. He had ended up asking a painting and then he had to follow a demented little knight through the hallways of the school. He suspected that the little painted pain in the ass didn't really know where he was going. But they did get there in the end, and Edward got to send his letter.

He knew that his little brother wasn't well enough for a long trip yet, but it wouldn't be too long until he was. He was sure his brother would love a chance to experience this magic school. And Edward wasn't the only Elric missing his brother.

There weren't many students in the library this early in the year, luckily enough. Edward dumped his bag on the table he had spent the weekend by, and went to hunt down some books on magical theory. He really wanted to know how this crazy magic worked.

Returning a few moments later with a large stack of books, he settled down for a nice long session of research. He did have the rest of the afternoon off, and no morning classes the next day, so he could sit here all night if he wanted.

FMAHP

"Uhm, sorry, Professor Elric?"

"Professor?"

"Sir!"

"I don't think he can hear you, Hermione"

"He's not deaf, Ronald"

"No, but he has the same look as you do when you are buried in a book."

"…I didn't know"

"SIR!"

"What?" Edward asked, annoyed at being interrupted while in the middle of a train of thought. He looked up from the book he was reading to see three nervous-looking students staring at him. Granger and Potter were still in his alchemy class, but the redhead, Weasley, had quit after the second class. Edward was happy Weasley had quit on his own, since it meant he didn't have to kick him out. He suspected the kid had a temper.

"Sorry to interrupt you, sir," Granger said. "But Harry and I wondered if you could answer a few questions we had about the essay?" She looked like it pained her to even ask. The books Edward had requested hadn't arrived yet, so his students didn't have any books to reference. He had taken that into consideration when he asked them to write an essay on why they thought alchemy was dangerous. He had third years on Wednesday, so they had two more days on that essay.

He sighed, and made space on the table and chairs he had occupied. The trio sat down, and Weasley immediately laid his head on his arms and closed his eyes. His friends had probably dragged him there against his will.

"Sure, ask away," Edward said. He noticed Potter eyeing the open journal in front of him curiously.

"What language is that?" he asked suddenly.

"Amestrian," Edward mumbled. Granger leaned over to look as well. "What did you want to ask about?" Edward leaned over to take his journal back from the curious kids. He put in the stack with the other journals and glared at them.

"Sorry," Granger mumbled. "We didn't mean to snoop." Edward waved away the apology.

"We just wondered if you could explain the rebound a bit more," Potter asked. "I get that it can hurt you, but I don't really understand how it works."

"You do know that the essay is supposed to be your thoughts on the subject, right?" Ed asked. "It's not supposed to be full of theory and research since you don't have any reliable books. I just want you to think about it." Granger looked frazzled.

"But how do we know if we are right?" she asked fretfully.

"There's no right or wrong in this essay," Edward answered slowly, as if talking to a toddler. It was getting annoying how these students didn't get the assignment. In every class, there had been questions about what to write. For some reason they didn't understand that it was all about their opinions and thoughts. "I want you to think about what you know of alchemy so far, and come up with examples of why it is dangerous. I want you to understand that it can go very badly if you're careless. I want you to understand that alchemy is not a game, or a class to take just because it sounds like a cool thing to learn." Potter looked like he understood, and Granger was looking less stressed.

"Okay, I can do that," Potter nodded. Granger huffed.

"Is it okay if we sit here?" she asked carefully. It wasn't normal to study at the same table as a teacher. Ed shrugged. He didn't care as long as he got to read in peace.

"Sure," he said. "Just don't disturb me, yeah?" The students nodded, and Ed went back to the book he was reading.

FMAHP

The weather got increasingly worse through the month. It was raining heavily nearly all the time, which put Edward in a bad mood. His stumps ached, and he walked with a slight limp on the worst days.

By the time October came around, Ed was wearing several more layers than usual and his classroom had a roaring fire going at all times. The castle wasn't made for warmth. It certainly wasn't made for people with automail.

He had kicked out a few more students on the back of their essays. Several students hadn't understood the dangers, even though he had talked about it in class. Those students had been told not to come back since it was obvious that they didn't try hard enough. The students he was left with was slowly realizing that he was ruthless and would kick out anyone who didn't try hard enough.

The only positive was that Al had answered, and would be arriving as soon has he could travel. He figured Al would get there in the middle of October. It would be nice to have a familiar face in this madhouse. While he had become friendly with Remus, the other teachers were still on the fence with him. Some of the females (read: Sprout and Pomfrey) occasionally tried to mother him. It was almost scary. As a rsult, he tried to avoid them.

On October 3, which wasn't a good day for Edward to begin with, it was raining buckets. Ed was in pain, and slightly out of it. He walked with a slight limp and used his right arm as little as possible. Pomfrey was watching him like a hawk that day. She even showed up in his classroom after his first class of the day had left and tried to drag him to the hospital wing. He refused. Madam Pomfrey wasn't nearly as scary as Lieutenant Hawkeye on a mission. And she didn't have a gun.

"Edward, you are limping!" she exclaimed angrily. Ed was very grateful that she had remembered to close the door after herself. "Clearly, you are not alright!"

"There's nothing you can do!" Ed said back, barely keeping himself from shouting. He was in a terrible mood. "It's an old injury, and it's healed. I just feel it when it rains, okay?" Pomfrey stared angrily at him, but there was no way she could outstare Edward Elric, who was the master of the Stare.

He was giving Pomfrey the stink eye for the rest of the day.

A few days later, Edward was standing by the blackboard in his classroom teaching his fifth year students. There were only seven of them. All the others had either quit or been kicked out in the last month. This was his very first lesson with students he had decided could make the cut. Or, at least be trusted not to get themselves or their classmates killed the first time they tried transmuting something.

This class was also the one where Edward needed to watch his back at all times. It held the pair of redheaded twins that Minerva had warned him about. Screw that; _all_ the teachers had warned him about them.

They tried to hit him with a strange little ball in his first class with them. Edward dodged expertly, but his blackboard was not the same afterward.

"That is some intense colours," he said slowly, and stared in horror at his orange and pink blackboard. He turned to the too-innocent-looking twins on the front row. "If it's not back to normal at the end of this class, I will give you detention."

It wasn't back to normal at the end of the class, so the twins found themselves helping Ed sort his books for four hours after dinner. Ed didn't alphabetize his books; the system was entirely his own. And if that system changed a few times during the detention, oh well.

Ed made a mental note to come up with some more creative ideas on detention for the students. He wasn't allowed to do as Teacher, but he wasn't planning on having them do lines either. He wanted his detentions to be feared enough that students didn't misbehave in his class. He could ask Severus, but Edward was pretty sure he could come up with something horrifying on his own.

Edward had decided he liked the twins, but he still wasn't going to let his guard down.

"How many of you have managed to memorize the periodic table of elements?" he asked, for the second time that day. The complete silence continued. He sighed heavily. "Did you at least try?" Four of the students raised their hands. The twins were among them, mostly since they had learned on their detention that Edward was serious about alchemy.

"And why did the rest of you decide you didn't need to do the homework?" Ed asked, glaring at the remaining three students. Two of them squirmed in place and none of them met his eyes. Finally, a shaking hand slowly raised in the air.

"Yes, Mr Chambers?" Ed pointed to the Ravenclaw, who surprisingly hadn't even tried. Weren't the Ravenclaws supposed to be the clever and studios ones?

"I didn't really think it was possible," he said. "So I focussed on the other homework we had." The others nodded in agreement. Ed pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed heavily.

"Of course it's possible," he ground out. "You need to know the elements before you can transmute them. You should at least have tried. Memorizing the most common ones should help! If I asked you what water consists of, what would you answer?" Complete silence. Not even the twins had a witty answer. Or, more likely, everyone had learned to steer clear of Edward when his temper flared. The students that had fooled around in his class had gained a healthy amount of respect for him.

"Next class I want all of you to have better answer for me," he said, forcing down his temper. "I get that you have other classes, I don't expect miracles. But I do expect you to try. If you learn three common elements for each class, that would still be going forward. And you won't even get to try transmuting anything before you know the most common elements." He turned around and pushed his desk toward the wall so he had available floor space, then picked up a piece of chalk.

"I think it's time I show you what you'll eventually be learning," he said, to the apparent joy of the students. "Maybe it'll motivate you a bit. Come closer if you want, but _don't_ step on the chalk lines!" Everyone scrambled to get closer. While the twins hovered as close as they could get without getting a glare, Ed drew out a basic transmutation circle for stone.

"This transmutation circle contains all the information needed for basic transmutation," he began lecturing. "It's an equation. What elements does the stone consist of, what do I want it to do, that sort of things. The equation has to be balanced, or you'll get a rebound. You should all understand what that is by now. If I wanted to change the stone into something else with similar structure, the circle would be more complicated." He finished the last shape, and forced everyone further back.

Then he put his hands down on the edge of the circle, and activated it. The familiar feeling of alchemy filled him, as his students gasped when the blue light crackled in the circle. When he stepped back from the finished product, a huge snarling gargoyle stood on the floor. It had evil-looking eyes and claws that curled out towards the students. It was as detailed as he could get it, down to scales and joints on the outstretched wings.

"The more you practice, the more details you'll manage," Ed said as he turned towards his amazed students. The twins both had a shine in his eyes that Ed knew well. They were very motivated now.

He shooed the students back to their desks, and transmuted the floor back to a floor.

"Now, who's ready to learn what elements are in that stone floor?" he asked, and every hand went up. He grinned.

FMAHP

The only Third year from Slytherin House was Davies, just like Edward has suspected. He hadn't even needed to throw them out, they had come to him en masse after their second class and told him they didn't need this muggle class and that it was a shame it was taught in a magic school at all. Edward had waved them away, and had taken down their names on his growing list of students who was out of the class.

He was left with a class of several potential alchemists. He was going to make sure this class had a strong base so that the teachers taking over after him would have something to build on. This was, after all, the first class that would get all five years of alchemy tutoring.

Granger was a bit of a handful though. It was clear to Edward that she wanted so badly to prove she could do it. Problem was; she was trying too hard. She kept fretting about how the library didn't have any books on the subjects. It looked to be a ground for distress for her. Edward found it quite amusing, but also very tiring.

When the third years entered the class on the second Wednesday of October, Edward was battling several tiny little blue creatures. The students stopped in shock. This was a very unusual situation to walk in on, after all.

He ducked and grabbed the one that tried to pull his braid, and gave the thing a quick hit with his automail arm.

"Five points to anyone who manage to capture one," he said, and the students scrambled into action. He took the chance to quickly transmute a cage out of some of the stone in the floor and stuffed in the three he had already gotten. Shortly after, students came over with the ones they had caught. He handed out the points and eventually, ten minutes into the class, he had a cage of small blue human-like things.

"Anyone willing to tell me what thiose are?" Edward asked the class while staring suspiciously at the tiny things. Predictably, Granger raised her hand. Edward pointed at her.

"Pixies, sir," she answered, and Edward decided he shouldn't be surprised there was such a thing. "Cornish pixies are known to be mischievous. The Ministry classify them XXX, which means that a competent witch or wizard should be capable of taking care of them." Edward had learned to just let her finish when she was on one of her rants.

"Thank you, Miss Granger," he said. "Five points to Gryffindor for the help. Now, do any of you know if it is normal for these pixies to nest in desks? Or do I have to locate some troublemakers?" He raised an eyebrow at the class, who sniggered. Potter, especially, looked like he found this immensely amusing. Edward decided it was the Terrible Two again. It was like the time the week before when his door was locked. He tried the key he had been given, but it didn't work. So the students arrived to an intricate gothic doorway next to the door. He got Remus to fix it after the class.

Yesterday, he had discovered that all his chalk was black, so now he kept having to change the colour back to white before he used them. He suspected the troublemaking duo, who for some reason had decided that they wanted to test him or something.

He started today's lesson with turning his black chalk white again. The third years, who hadn't seen alchemy yet, were sufficiently impressed at his "wandless magic". He glared at them, but decided not to have that lecture _again_.

FMAHP

Ed was sitting in a staff meeting again. Sinistra (which was the name of the woman who had yelled at him at the first staff meeting) was sending him disapproving looks from time to time. He ignored her (mostly. He felt perfectly justified in glaring or smirking back at her).

The Headmaster cleared his throat to get the attention from all the teachers. The ongoing discussion immediately ceased and everyone turned to the old man. The amount of respect he got from his teachers amazed Edward sometimes.

"Edward has some information for us," Dumbledore said, smiling and twinkling as normal. Edward nodded.

"In a few days time, I will be getting an assistant," he said. Sinistra immediately looked like she was going to say something, but Edward threw her a silencing glare. "His name is Alphonse and he's been doing alchemy for just as long as I have, and he's really good. He's also quite a bit more patient than I am, so it will be very helpful to have him around when the students starts learning transmutations."

"Why do you need an assistant?" Pomona Sprout asked, not unkindly.

"It'll be helpful with an extra pair of eyes when we get to the complicated stuff," Edward said. "Not that they're getting there soon. The thing you should know is that Alphonse recently recovered from an illness. He's probably still pretty emaciated and with underdeveloped muscles. I was wondering if maybe there was some magic that could help with that when he gets here?" He looked hopefully at Poppy at that.

"Of course," she said. "There's a few nutrient potions that could help, but I need to examine him first. Severus, if you would, make some nutrient and muscle developers?" Severus nodded shortly. Edward was immensely relieved and smiled thankfully at both of them.

"Thanks, that's awesome," he said, his eyes shining in rarely seen true happiness. Poppy smiled back.

"No problem, dear," she said. "I am guessing Alphonse is a friend of yours, then?" Edward's grin turned slightly sheepish.

"Al is my younger brother," he said finally. Once again, he had managed to shock the teachers.

"How old is he?" Pomona asked.

"Fifteen," Edward answered. "He wasn't fit to travel when I was sent here, but he's getting better. He will have an escort from the military, since he's still not well."

"Then why in Merlin's name is he coming here?" Sinistra asked angrily. "Why isn't he at home with your parents?" Edward narrowed his eyes in anger.

"Are you stupid?" he said loudly. "Do you really think that I would be teaching in a foreign country, much less be in the military, if we had parents?" Sinistra looked wide-eyed at him and sat back down in her seat. The silence was slightly awkward and stretched out. Edward continued to glare at Sinistra, but the fire seemed to have left her. Edward hated being pitied, but if it made her shut up it might be good for something.

"Now, as I was saying, Al will arrive in just a few days," he continued after enduring the silence for a moment. "And I have no idea who is going to travel with him, but I assume the person needs to stay for the night, if that is okay?" He turned to the Headmaster, who smiled jovially back.

"Of course, Hogwarts always has room for guests," Dumbledore said happily. Edward smiled back.

"Thanks, old man," he mumbled. He looked up at the rest of the teachers. None of them looked opposed to another alchemist in their midst. Ed couldn't help the sneaking suspicion that they still viewed him as a kid.

He was looking forward to Al's arrival. It would be great to have a friendly face. And someone to have intelligent conversation with.

FMAHP

_Chapter 3 for you people! Thank you for reading!_


	4. Chapter 4

_Woo! New chapter! I'm sorry for taking so long. I know I nearly promised some reviewers to get it up nearly a month ago, so to you: Sorry about that._

_I love your reviews and I answered as many as I could. Go you!_

_Disclaimer: I own neither Harry Potter or Fullmetal Alchemist._

_This chapter start with Harry's point of view._

FMAHP

_Harry's POV_

Harry was starting to think he should have done as Ron, and dropped out of Alchemy class. He was frantically reading the periodic table of elements at dinner Tuesday night. They had Alchemy before lunch on Wednesday, so he needed to have it memorized by then. Professor Elric had made it clear to every class that they weren't trying hard enough. Hermione had taken it as a personal insult, and was sitting next to Harry with her own copy. Her hair was frizzier than ever and she was muttering to herself like a madwoman. No one had spoken a word to her since breakfast because of her terrifying demeanour.

On the other side of Ron was the highly unusual sight of the twins studying. Actually, about every fourth student was frantically studying the periodic table of elements.

Elric had that effect on the students.

Ron was poking fun of his friends with his mouth full of Shepard's pie.

"I tol' you to qui' tha' class, 'Arry," he said loudly before swallowing. Hermione took a moment to look up from her frantic memorizing to throw Ron a nasty glare, before she mumbled something about pigs and ignored him. Harry didn't disagree with her.

"It's interesting," he said to Ron, who had taken another enormous mouthful of his dinner. "And Elric kinda makes you want to try real hard, you know?"

"Yeah, 'cause he'll kick your arse if you slack!" Seamus piped in from the next seat over. He was also sitting with a piece of parchment with the table of elements on, but seemed to have given up. Ron burst out laughing, making Harry realize that protesting was pointless. It was a general agreement that Professor Elric was scary when angry and no one wanted to disappoint him.

The Alchemy professor looked mostly harmless. He wasn't very tall, and his long blond hair didn't scream scary. Harry had seen him angry a few times, however, and it was a very intimidating sight.

A loud commotion in the hall interrupted Harry's musings before they could get any further. Heads turned towards the door to the Great Hall. Harry could clearly hear a booming voice saying something in a language he didn't recognize.

The doors opened with a bang that made several students jump.

In the opening stood a massive nearly bald man. He was wearing some sort of fancy blue uniform that bulged over huge arms and shoulders. The only hair on his head was a lock of blond hair falling down his forehead and a moustache that totally beat Uncle Vernon's. The man was looking straight towards the teachers' tables, before he boomed.

"Edward Elric!" and strode forward in a hurry. Everyone turned to see their horrified Alchemy teacher scrambling away from the teachers' table and the approaching man. He said something in that strange language, and the huge man pointed behind himself with a thumb. Elric's eyes brightened considerably and he walked quickly around the man and towards the overlooked, skinny male standing in the doorway.

He looked timid. And very skinny. He was as blonde as their teacher, and the eyes looked to be almost the same odd golden as well. The stranger was leaning heavily on a crutch, but he was smiling widely. Professor Elric was speaking to the newcomer while hugging him carefully.

The skinny newcomer reminded Harry a bit of the pictures of Sirius Black. He had that stretched look, as if he hadn't eaten properly in years. His skin was pale and he looked frail and sickly. He looked decidedly happier and friendlier than the mass murderer did though.

The huge booming man, in the meantime, was staring down Hagrid and apparently flexing his muscles. Poor Hagrid looked very confused.

Harry looked to Hermione to see if she understood what was going on, but she shrugged back at him. The whole student population was watching curiously now.

"Ah, Professor Elric, perhaps you'd like to introduce our guests?" Headmaster Dumbledore requested from the head table. He looked very amused.

"Of course," Professor Elric answered, looking slightly sheepish now. He was standing right next to the skinny boy. "That over there is Major Alex Louis Armstrong, State Alchemist in the Amestrian Military." Elric pointed to the man in the uniform.

"Hello, students!" the Major boomed. Harry tried not to stare at the man; he was a bit _much_. Elric was now exchanging looks with the other blond guy, and they both looked a bit nervous. "It is a pleasure to visit your beautiful place of learning!" The man's voice was very carrying.

"Thank you for those kind words," Headmaster Dumbledore answered.

"This is Alphonse, who will be assisting in the Alchemy classes from now on," Professor Elric said quickly, clearly trying to take the attention away from the soldier. The skinny boy waved shyly. He had a friendly smile, even though he kind of looked like death warmed over.

"It will do you good to be here, Alphonse," the Major boomed. "You need to gain weight, young man. You need muscle!"

Suddenly the man was shirtless.

Harry couldn't believe his own eyes. Was he stripping now? Hermione was choking on air next to him, and Ron was redder than his hair. One of the twins (Harry thought it was Fred) gleefully poked Ron in the side and pointed toward the teachers' table. Harry followed the finger.

McGonagall's face had never been so pinched.

Her mouth was thinner than Harry had ever seen it, and she looked very uncomfortable. Madam Pomfrey looked flustered as well. Snape's face might as well have been cut in stone for all the emotion it showed. The shock was quite clear on several faces. Professor Sinistra especially looked like she was having a heart attack.

The blond giant was flexing his muscles in Alphonse's dejected face. Elric had a hand in front of his own face, in what appeared to be frustration.

"Major!" he yelled. The man turned toward him, and Elric twitched. "Put your jacket on! There's kids in here!"

Then he dragged Alphonse towards the teachers' table. When they sat down, Armstrong was wearing his jacket. The shirt was still mysteriously missing. Harry wondered what kind of magic made one's shirt disappear like that. Then he decided it probably wasn't something you learned in school. He couldn't imagine Professor Flitwick giving lessons in stripping-charms.

Whispers started up immediately when the three had situated themselves at the teachers' table. Madam Pomfrey at once started fussing over Alphonse. He, in turn, looked embarrassed but didn't try to run away.

"Assistant?" Hermione mumbled and stared at the teachers' table. Harry recognized Hermione's Thinking Face, and decided to let her simmer for a while.

"That's what you're hung up about?" Ron exclaimed. "The guy was undressing!" Hermione's face reddened slightly.

"I don't know what to think about that," she said primly. "It's not very professional." She sniffed.

"So, I would much rather find out who this Alphonse is," Hermione continued. "He will probably be here for a while."

"What do you think, Harry?" Ron asked. Harry shrugged.

"We'll find out in class tomorrow, wont we?"

FMAHP

The next morning the whole school was buzzing with rumours. It was clear to the students that the two newcomers were good friends of their odd Alchemy teacher. Most had decided that the kid was a relative of Professor Elric, which looked to be a good bet.

Speaking of bets, the twins had already started a betting pool. Hermione primly informed Harry and Ron that Parvati had already heard from Padma, her twin sister in Ravenclaw, who had heard from Megan Jones in Hufflepuff that the huge blond man was in fact Professor Elric's father and that Elric had changed his name because he didn't want to be associated with a stripper.

Harry was just happy that, for once, the impressive Hogwarts rumour mill wasn't talking about him.

Breakfast that day was entertaining. Not as entertaining as yesterday's dinner, of course, but fun nonetheless.

Elric and Alphonse were sitting at the staff table. Madam Pomfrey was sitting next to Alphonse and watching him eat with a stern eye. Armstrong was flexing his muscles while talking loudly to Professor Sprout, who was blushing and giggling. Harry knew he wasn't the only one watching the spectacle with avid interest. Elric kept giving the Major scowling looks.

Armstrong left immediately after breakfast. There was an emotional display in the hall when he left. The man started crying and hugging both Alphonse and Professor Elric. Elric yelled something in that weird language again and struggled away from the scarily emotional man.

Harry was happy he kept his clothes on this time. Although, it was somewhat disturbing to watch a grown man like him cry like that.

Alchemy class was going to be interesting today. He had to get through History class first though. Nap time.

FMAHP

When they walked into Alchemy class after History of Magic, Elric and Alphonse were standing by the blackboard. The board was full of complicated equations and a few intricate transmutation circles. The two blondes were obviously deep in discussion about some alchemy equation. Harry cast a sideways look at Hermione to see if she understood any of it, but she only looked stressed out. Hermione got that look when something wasn't making sense. She didn't wear that look often.

Professor Elric suddenly noticed that the classroom was filling up. He looked at the fancy pocket watch he always wore.

"Welcome back," he said when everyone had sat down and the door was closed. "You probably remember Alphonse from yesterday. You need to get used to him being here." Alphonse smiled at them. He looked a lot friendlier than their teacher did.

"Alphonse is my younger brother. He's not well," Elric said, his eyes steely. He was standing by the desk with his arms crossed against his chest. And so they knew the relation between the two blondes. Parvati would surely have it around the school before dinner. "So I'm warning you all right now. I can deal with the crazy magic pranks you people throw at me sometimes. Same with the weird spells. If I see any of you try to prank my little brother, however, or do anything that might harm him, you'll be in the worst detention you could possibly imagine before you can blink. That is if I don't decide to just beat you black and blue."

The class stared wide-eyed back at him. No one dared say a word. Elric looked like he meant every word, and Harry immediately knew not even the Weasley twins would try anything towards their teacher's little brother. Harry noticed Alphonse rolled his eyes, but he was still smiling. He didn't look surprised at Elric's threat.

"So, how many of you have managed to memorize the table of elements?" Elric asked, in a complete turnaround. He had been asking that same question in every class for the last week. The class woke up from their shocked stupor and started reacting to the teacher's question.

Hermione's hand shot up. Harry didn't dare. He had tried memorizing it, but he was pretty sure he didn't do a good enough job. No one else raised their hand either.

Professor Elric sighed. Alphonse giggled. There was no manlier way to explain the sound that escaped him.

"Find this funny, do you, Alphonse?" Elric asked sarcastically.

"Of course, brother," Alphonse answered. "Putting yourself in teacher's shoes?" Elric shuddered.

"We were way better students than this lot, Al," their teacher answered. Harry had a feeling he should be feeling insulted. "Have you tried?" Elric asked the class. Everyone raised their hands now.

"That's good at least," he mumbled. "Since I'm not allowed to teach you like we were taught I have resigned myself to going slow."

"Yeah, well, at least they're less bruised," Alphonse commented from the back. Professor Elric grinned.

"Some bruising would have done them good," he said back. Harry felt slightly nervous, but it was a relief to know that Elric wasn't allowed to teach in that way. Seamus raised a hand.

"Yes, Mr Finnegan?" Professor Elric said.

"Umm, how did you get bruises from learning alchemy?" he asked. Harry was sure he wasn't the only one who was happy someone had asked. He wanted to know this as well. The brothers shuddered in unison.

"Our teacher used to say that in order to train the spirit, first train the body. Then she kicked our asses," Elric said, and funnily enough he was smiling fondly.

"What kind of school did you go to?" Seamus asked incredulously. Harry was wondering that as well. It sounded worse than Smeltings, the school his cousin attended, were a stick to hit each other with was a part of the uniform.

"I thought I mentioned in the first week that alchemy usually isn't taught in schools?" Elric said slowly. "Me and Al learned from an alchemist. We spent several months living at her house and learning alchemy from her. She also taught us hand-to-hand combat." Harry was sure the entire class was staring at the Professor in the same surprise he was feeling.

"She is terrifying," piped Alphonse in from his chair. He leaned forward on his knees and smiled at the class. Elric nodded decidedly.

"Yes, she is," he agreed. "But if you're going to learn anything at all this year, we're going to go back to the lesson." He walked around the desk to the blackboard and picked up a chalk. A collective sigh went through the room. Elric either didn't notice or didn't care. Harry thought it was the latter.

"Since you're all working on the table of elements on your own, we're going to focus on something else in class," he started and drew a transmutation circle in the middle of the board. "You're going to learn how to read transmutation circles. At least, you're going to start learning. Al's brought some books along, and we've copied out pages with the steps of the different circles." He continued to write notes on the board while he talked. He turned to look at his students.

Harry felt so lost. Professor Elric's handwriting wasn't the best, in fact, Harry would go as far as to call it atrocious. It was really bad. Justin Finch-Fletchey raised his hand.

"Yes, Mr Finch-Fletchey?" Elric said.

"What does it say on the second line?" he asked. Every class someone would ask Elric to decipher his handwriting. The teacher sighed.

"Al, you wanna do the honours?" he suddenly turned toward his brother. Al grinned. "Apparently, my handwriting is bad."

"It is bad, brother," Al said cheerily. He stood slowly and walked to the blackboard. His walk was slightly unsteady and he took slow measured steps. Al wiped out all the writing, leaving only the transmutation circle, which for some reason was perfectly round and readable. He started writing the notes again, and his handwriting was a vast improvement over his brother's.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," their teacher said and waved a hand. He continued with the lecture while Alphonse wrote notes. They were very co-ordinated. Alphonse would write down the relevant point almost before Professor Elric had ended his sentences.

FMAHP

_Ed's point of view_

Once again, Ed was sitting in the staff room waiting for a staff meeting to begin. Only this time Al was sitting right next to him. His brother was slightly fidgety, but Ed could understand that. Aurora, the terrible woman, was glaring at both of them. He really didn't understand her dislike of him.

When all the teachers had arrived Dumbledore smiled benevolently at them.

"I hope you have all been welcoming to our new arrival," he said jovially. Most of the teachers smiled at Alphonse in response. Ed was amazed at Al's ability to make friends. He had barely even met the teachers, and yet most of them found themselves liking him. Poppy mothered Al something fierce. She was sitting right next to him now, and she was running some sort of scan with her wand.

"You are too skinny, Mr Elric," Poppy said shortly, completely ignoring the esteemed headmaster. "You need to step by the Infirmary after this meeting for another potion." Al grimaced, and Ed grinned. Al had gotten potions from the nurse the night before, and then he had spent the next twenty minutes washing his mouth to Ed's great amusement.

"Alphonse Elric will be staying for as long as Professor Elric stays," the Headmaster continued, ignoring Poppy's mumblings and wand waving. "He will be assisting with the Alchemy classes. He will also have the same privileges as a teacher. He can take points and give detention should he see it necessary." Ed grinned at Al, who was too busy staring suspiciously at Poppy's wand to care.

"I want to know who the disturbing man from yesterday was," Aurora said snippily. Ed raised an eyebrow to Al as if to say "this is the one I've been talking about". He had complained about the horrible woman to Al in his letters.

"I told you his name," Ed answered shortly. "Major Alex Louis Armstrong. He's a State Alchemist."

"So he's a co-worker of yours then?" Aurora continued mockingly. Ed scowled.

"Yes," he said. "He's a good man, when you learn to ignore his tendency to take off his shirt." Ed grimaced.

"I, for one, think it's disturbing that the man undresses in front of children!" Aurora screamed in outrage. She apparently couldn't hold it in anymore. Ed and Al exchanged looks.

"You should just be happy it wasn't his sister coming here," Ed said strongly. Al nodded in agreement.

"What?" Aurora said now, shrilly. The rest of the teachers were watching the argument unfold. It had become a rather normal sight during the staff meetings. Ed was certain most of them found it entertaining. "Are you telling me that his _sister_ also undresses?" Aurora's face was reddening in outrage.

"Hell no!" Ed laughed. "General Armstrong would probably have your eyes if you saw her shirtless! While Major Armstrong is intimidating and somewhat weird, General Armstrong rules her brigade with an iron fist. She's scary." Aurora looked flabbergasted, and Headmaster Dumbledore took the opportunity to steer the meeting back on track. Remus, who sat next to Ed as usual, smiled at him.

"You're going to give Aurora a coronary," he leaned in and whispered. Ed grinned back.

"One can only hope," he whispered to Remus. Al elbowed Ed and gave him a reprimanding look.

FMAHP

Ed and Al were walking back to their rooms after a visit to the nurse. Al was rubbing his tongue with a paper towel and complaining constantly. His taste buds were very sensitive after so long without eating anything, and the potions Poppy was feeding him were very nasty.

Ed found the whole thing very amusing.

The staff meeting had ended in a somewhat professional manner after Aurora and Ed was finished antagonizing each other. Ed didn't really understand what the woman had against him, but it didn't stop him from fighting with her when the opportunity arose. The trip to the Infirmary on Al's behalf afterwards had been amusing for Ed and slightly traumatizing for Al. Al made a face and stuck out his tongue.

"Professor Elric!" a girl's voice shouted behind them. They stopped and turned towards the voice. It was Granger, and behind her was Weasley and Potter as always. Weasley and Potter was eyeing Al with weird looks.

"Miss Granger, can I help you?" Ed asked curiously. Granger stopped and shuffled her feet awkwardly.

"I just wanted to know if I could borrow one of the alchemy books?" she asked. Her wide eyes were looking at him hopefully. She reminded him of him and Al when they were younger and sitting in their father's study. He sighed.

"You all got copies of the introduction pages today," he started.

"I finished them," she said quickly. "It was very fascinating. I really would like to read more about the theories mentioned in the end, and it said that the book went more into depth on them." Al stopped grimacing and turned to look at the girl. She was giving his brother the puppy-dog look. Al knew it probably didn't make much of a difference, but her eagerness to learn would.

"Okay, come on then," Ed grinned. "As long as you want to learn, I want to help you." He led the students to the portrait on his rooms. He didn't want to leave the books laying around in his office, since that room was by his classroom and only protected by a regular lock that these kids could open with just a word. Therefore, all the alchemy books were in his living room.

He knocked on the frame to get the attention of the arguing men in the painting. When they noticed him, they opened. Al made a beeline for the bathroom, probably to brush his teeth and tongue.

Granger and her two followers stood awkwardly in the door while Ed went to the bookshelf to find the book. When he found it, he held on to it before giving it to the girl.

"This isn't the same book that the introduction is from," he said, and watched her face fall. "It has most of the same theories, but not all. The introduction from the other book is better for beginners, but that book has information I don't want you to know yet. I am letting you borrow this book on one condition. You will not try anything in here. No transmutations. You wont even try to draw the transmutation circles. Is that clear?" She nodded eagerly. Ed handed her the book, and he could see her fighting to stop herself from reading it right there.

"Don't lend it out to anyone else," he said. "I want to know who reads it." She nodded and held the book close. Al emerged from the bathroom with a toothbrush in his mouth.

"She's like you when you find something new to read," he removed the toothbrush long enough to comment. Granger eyed him curiously. Ed decided to explain.

"Poppy got him on a potion regime," he grinned at his brother. "He doesn't like the taste." Potter looked sympathetic.

"I feel bad for you," he said. "I think she likes giving people the most foul-tasting potions." Al wrinkled his nose and went back into the bathroom.

FMAHP

_And there it is. Hopefully the next chapter wont take as long to get out. Even though I am entering a busy time at work. When you work in a bookshop and Christmas is getting closer, work gets BUSY._

_I love Armstrong. He's a gem. So is General Armstrong._


End file.
